I spent a solid four hours in a bar last night trying to convince this one really decent looking college girl who was probably new to town as she was alone at a pretty shitty bar because she didn’t know any better to let me take nude pictures of her for an art project I was working on. 

I tried all the angles, from promises of stardom and fame, to bullshit art fag rationale you hear when idiots spend too much time analyzing something that wasn’t supposed to be analyzed in the first place. I told her shit like her body reminded me of the possibility of a brighter tomorrow…I said shit like that her natural beauty brings hope in this culturally void, sleazy and disgusting society because it reminds us that something so pure and beautiful can exist…I said shit like that I was inspired by her. Basically, I pulled every possible trick I have learned in the years of trying to get girls naked and really didn’t hold back on making myself look like a total asshole. I was making moves, motherfucker. 

I saw in her eye that she was about to bite and then I must have pushed shit too far because she ended up going home with the bartender who she had met 5 minutes earlier, when no one goes home with the bartender ever. Reminding me that I suck at life…

With all that work gone to waste, I decided to try it on some homeless woman, but she just answered in a series of yelps, beeps and grunts that I think translated into “I’m fucking crazy, I will bite your fucking dick off if you don’t give me money,” which scared me nicely and saved me from having to try to scrub the smell of her rancid homeless cunt out of my couch.
 



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