Fatty Kate Upton has been Photoshopped aggressively for a fashion magazine that decided to either shit on fashion by using a fat model who has a lot of hype, trying to be controversial like it was a Benetton ad in the 80s or some other high concept idea that fashion will put together to make some kind of useless yet glamorous social commentary…or maybe they are just trying to garner buzz, get attention because people, mainly white trash dudes love Kate Upton…or maybe they have a quota of fat chicks they need to use in the magazine to be deemed appropriate for young girls to read in this era of hating skinny girls, and turning our backs on skinny girls while encouraging fat girls because obesity fuels the fastfood industry, the junk food industry, the health care industry while keeping people lazy as fuck and unable to bother fighting what the government imposes on them…but maybe I’m taking these things a bit too seriously…and should just stare at her tits.
 
 
Despite all her plastic surgery, I think that Irina Shayk is probably the hottest model to scam her way out of Russia and into the public eye, using whatever means she had at her disposal, whether it was a pro soccer playing boyfriend who is probably gay…and she used her Russian spy skills they teach kids in elementary school to figure out how to extort him…and I respect that hustle, because girls in the Philippines can’t even get as far as this one has, meaning she’s better than they are.

That said, you always see these girls in pictures, Photoshopped to shit, so video, a lot more complicated to fix, is a bit more representative of the heat she’s packing and that’s why I am posting this shitty promo video.
 
 
Izabel Goulart posted this workout pic to her Instagram, an Instagram I think is the best Instagram around…not because she’s got the best face, but because she’s got a banging body…proving that even if you’re not the prettiest, you can fool a whole lot of motherfuckers into thinking you are, just as long as you put in the work…but then again, maybe girls who work out is fetish to me…because most of the girls I see around here are fucking cows.
 
 
Madison Murray is a 23-year-old Miami based model who is taking over the Internet one picture at a time. I don’t know where this shoot is from, but I found it on the Internet, because I like models that are at this level in their career…you know, accessible, sweet, eager and not tainted by Leonardo DiCaprio or Adam Levine’s dick.

I’ve been following her Instagram for a while and you should too…I mean, if you like babes who take and post hot pics of themselves…which you should.
 
 
This Alyssa Arce is an actual model with a modeling agency, who I guess understands that her asset is her huge tits on her small frame and not really anything else about her…and that’s why she went the Playboy route…and I am not complaining. I am actually happy to see Playboy booking girls who don’t look like fake-lipped, plastic porn chicks. This is progressive fashion porn and that’s what I am into, so let’s all stare at Alyssa Arce and her tits…and the new beginning they represent…or you can just Google her and find pics of her exposed pussy.
 
 
Izabel Goulart is a hard faced, hard body, fitness advocate with long fucking legs, straight from Brazil, sent to America to do the occasional campaign, who was once a Victoria’s Secret model, pulled out with her millions, but still walks their show because it’s good for the ego to be part of something a billion idiots watch and don’t realize is a shitty ad campaign.

Well now she’s in GQ Portugal, because she speaks their language…and I think she looks awesome…because bitch puts in work, people…and you should too…as you eat your cupcakes, you fucking pig.
 
 
Stephanie Seymour is in St. Barts and she is in a bikini and these are the pics.

She made be old as fuck now, but when she was 16 she destroyed the marriage of a dude who ran the modeling agency she was part of…that little 16-year-old harlot all wives fear coming into ruin their marriages…which was more interesting than when she dated Axl Rose…and they beat the shit out of each other because she was unfaithful…even though he asked her not to cry in the cold November Rain.

Now she’s just married to some dude who owns paper mills, magazines and a lot of art…and I guess a house in St. Barts where she parades her cheating, old model ass…and it could be worse…she could be 250 pounds.
 
 
Cindy Crawford is a hot bitch…even into her 50s…because genetics…combined with fitness…combined with diet…combined with plastic surgery has helped her maintain all that really matters to her in terms of her career…and that’s her physical appearance.

For the record, I am the first person to say that models are smart. I defend them all the time when people try to play off that they are vapid cunts, and my rebuttal is pretty basic: they are smart enough to make themselves look good…because looking good pays the fucking bills, motherfuckers.
 
 
Cara Delevingne is a model I don’t understand.

These things happen every so often—the fashion industry decides that a specific girl is an “It Girl” because she’s got an interesting look, even if that look is wonky, untraditional…that of a girl you probably wouldn’t notice if you saw her on the street, that maybe she makes up for in being a party girl with a cocaine-fuelled attitude…and I don’t get it…but she was in a bikini, in a villa that cost over 10,000 dollars a night, so she’s doing something better than me, proving that I am not an authority on anything that works or that makes money at all…all I see is an average girl who isn’t fat…and really not sexy at all…but what do I know? I just look at pictures of girls all day for the last 10 years.
 
 
Candice Swanepoel is a model sent from South Africa to make us questions whether we would do her despite the risk of her HIV thanks to the high AIDS rate and nature of her half-naked career…even though she probably left South Africa a virgin…as the modeling industry abducted her. I know, I’ve said this before, but I’d still dive deep and without condom in hopes of impregnating her and convincing her to keep the baby because she may not have another chance…but in my defense, I do that to random women who probably have more chance having AIDS than Candice Swanepoel…at least based on their herpes scabs.