Let’s get back into the nitty gritty of judging movies based solely on their names and maybe their posters or commercials, if I’ve seen them. Totally valid form of film criticism.

CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS 2

This is the sequel to the best cartoon I have ever seen about giant, weather-related food. That said, in this movie it looks like all the food from part one came to life. The idea of sentient food is off-putting on a basic, existential level. Can you imagine how weird you’d feel if fruit had eyes? If tacos had emotions and desires? That’s the kind of shit that should drive you straight to the mouth of madness.

ESCAPE PLAN

This is a high-concept prison break film, featuring Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger, the two biggest action stars of the '80s and '90s, who are infusing their geriatric and crotchety ways into roles clearly written for men half their age, and costarring 50 Cent, Jim Caviezel, Vincent D’Onofrio, Vinnie Jones, Sam Neill, and Academy Award nominee Amy Ryan.

Seriously? Can I buy my ticket right now?
 



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