“Thor: The Dark World” was a pretty fun movie, if somewhat devoid of a really gripping story. Dark Elves? Who the shit are these guys? And as King of Everything, why is Odin such an obtuse twat? I dunno. Doesn’t matter. Point is there were some things that could have happened in the movie that were totally missed in favor of a little slapstick humor and the artless obstruction and downright hiding of Kat Dennings’ boobs.

1. Kat Dennings could have not worn a coat or a sweater that was 12 inches thick in at least one scene

2. Benicio Del Toro should have a white afro at the beginning of movies, not the end

3. Odin could have tried not sucking

4. That one Asian Norseman seemed like he needs more to do

5. Once again, all of the Avengers are too busy doing dishes to help Thor save the Earth

6. Maybe there should have been some reason for the Asgard to believe the Dark Elves were all dead, when clearly there were so many not dead

7. Thor should have taken a moment to explain why the Asgardians fight with medieval weapons against aliens that have mastered space travel and black hole grenades

8. Loki’s prison cell had no toilet

9. Thor should have at least mentioned the poop on Loki’s walls

10. The Aether prevents rain from getting on you? Awesome opportunity for “Natalie Portman taking a shower” jokes

11. What did Stellan Skarsgard do to the director to get such a shit role?

12. Someone should have got to use a line like “Asgardians know how to guard dat ass”

13. Heimdall can take out an entire spaceship with two daggers, surely he deserves more time on camera

14. Valkyrie boobs

15. Kat Dennings could have offered me her number. Just sayin’

 



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