Every few weeks or so, I let the Internet rape my brain with a deluge of bizarre sex toys. Then I choose the top five that I can stomach and pop them up here for your entertainment and/or shopping list ideas. 

5. JUSTIN BIEBER SEX DOLL 

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I think this is meant for gay men but I’m buying it for Boy Abunda…you know, for posing with on Instagram…and you know, for him to have sex with.

4. INFLATABLE SOUNDER

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Know what this is? Where it goes? Well, that long, thin black bit at the center is meant to go into a man’s pee hole. Fair enough, since I’m a pervert, that’s pretty tame to me…but then the toy inflates.

INFLATES!

3.  FUCK SAW

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It can be dangerous and time consuming to make your own Fuck Saw, that is attaching a dildo to a power saw. Now you can buy one pre-made and avoid the murder charge when you accidentally saw your girlfriend in half from the inside.

2. ELECTRO-STIM BUTT PLUG

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This is an electrified butt plug. I’m no doctor. Hell, I didn’t even finish high school. Hell, I’m functionally illiterate. But it can’t be healthy to send electrical currents up into your ass.

1. LABRADOR RETRIEVER DOG PENIS DILDO WITH INFLATABLE KNOT

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It’s a dog dick dildo. Enough said.

 



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