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Today in “Vin Diesel, Unlikely Voice of Reason,” our favorite gravel-throated pterodactyl choker was asked an asinine, irrelevant question about Batman during his asinine, irrelevant press tour for “Riddick.” Painted into a corner, he gave the best answer possible:

INTERVIEWER: I wanna know, Vin… what you think about all the haters who are hating on a Ben Affleck Batman movie.

VIN DIESEL: (long groan)

WHITE: Do you like that choice? For Batman?

VIN DIESEL: I don’t give a FUCK about Batman. Or who plays Batman.

(*crowd goes wild*)


See, folks? THAT’S how you answer an asinine press tour interview. With brutal honesty and a smile. Vin’s too busy living life a quarter mile at a time to sweat the small stuff.

I love this.
So if Vin Diesel doesn’t care about Batman, what DOES he care about? To answer this question, I went to Vin Diesel's Facebook page, which he thinks is so influential that it increased the value of Facebook itself, and where, Diesel says, “I started talking to people in the realest ways. I never let anyone post for me in the last four years.”

In short, the perfect place for us to understand Vin Diesel's innermost thoughts. So, what does Vin Diesel give a fuck about? Vin Diesel gives a fuck about…

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Photoshops. Vin-inspired portmanteaus, like “Vinspired.” His fans’ creativity.

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Motherhood.

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Inspirational quotes. Quoting himself.

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Jetpacks. Extreme sports. Daring to dream.

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Going to Africa. Elephant photoshops.

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Romance. Valentine’s Day. The proper way to treat a lady.

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Maya Angelou. Not looking directly at the camera.

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Comic books. Smiling to himself about things that he says.

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Set pictures of himself with badass dragons Photoshopped in the background. How his fans are doing that day.

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Positivity. The power of smiles.

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Love. Proper tanning. Scripty fonts.

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Fast and Furious Movies. Looking pensive.

There are many more things that Vin Diesel cares about, and this could go on for days…but the important thing to remember is not the details, it’s simply that Vin Diesel cares.
 



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