The Internet has shown us that sex can be done in far more ways than the traditional style pioneered by missionaries and green grocers. In fact, our extensive research has shown there are like 100 kinds of sex, at least. One day we hope to try any of them. Until then, here’s a handy chart to let you know what those vaunted styles mean for their fans.

BDSM

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You’ve been bad.
You would do well working for the CIA.
You leave sarcastic comments on the Internet all the time.

BALLOONS

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You love celebrating birthdays.
No one invites you to birthdays.

TENTACLES

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You enjoy seafood.
You don’t get why people think Japanese culture is weird.
You don’t have real sex very often.

ADULT BABIES

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Walking to the bathroom is too much work for you.
You used to play “Magic: The Gathering.”

SCAT

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You are terrible in so many ways.

FURRIES

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“Care Bears: The Movie” is in your wank bank.
You should be ashamed of yourself every time you walk by the toy section at the mall…but you’re not.


 



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