Let’s get back into the nitty gritty of judging movies based solely on their names and maybe their posters or commercials, if I’ve seen them. Totally valid form of film criticism.


Carrie is…wait, what?  Oh, my bad. I’ve already seen this movie. Like 20 years ago.


This movie stars Selena Gomez and Ethan Hawke. It’s like a shrug somehow manifested itself as a film and now someone expects you to pay to see it. No offense to Ethan Hawke (other than all the offense I just implied) but don’t you feel like he stars in movie because he was sleeping on the set when they started filming and it just seemed financially viable?

The name of the movie implies to me some kind of movie in which driving is integral. I have no idea how driving became so fascinating to people—Fast and Furious, Nascar, the whole thing just boggles the mind when you stop to consider there are 100-year-old ladies out there right now who can drive. It’s not super impressive. Stop pretending it is.

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