The best deli meat around is in the panties of Xenia Deli, but unfortunately she’s been cast by Victoria’s Secret, instead of some obscure porn producer who has her spreading her vagina for the Internet…because Victoria’s Secret Photoshops the vagina definition in her panties, making her deli meat just a figment of my imagination, which in some cases, especially during a herpes outbreak, is a better look for panty meat.

All this to say, she’s lovely, making moves, and I support her decision to go corporate…support I am sure she doesn’t give a fuck about.
Miranda Kerr is not nearly nude enough for this photoshoot, where she got into some one-piece bathing suits, as she ventures out on her own, into the cold dark scary world without a corporate backer…something that could really backfire for her, despite having a pretty popular actor husband, and a lot of money in the bank…so even if she fails, she’ll be okay, she’s already won.
What I don’t understand is why in this new Miranda Kerr hustle, she doesn’t get naked? I mean, after years of being half-naked for Victoria’s Secret with her vagina and nipples Photoshopped off of her like she was Angelina Jolie hiding from cancer, you’d think now that she’s emancipated herself, her rebellion would be hard nipples and bush everywhere.
I guess people aren’t as logical thinking as me…but by their definition I’m pretty autistic. Logic is what we do, bitches.
Maica Palo is some Pinay model and here she is in topless pics for FHM…and if you’re like me, you fucking hate FHM and can’t figure out why the fuck I am posting this garbage…then you realize it’s because of the topless model named Maica Palo in the pictures.
I don’t know if you realize this, but the weather is humid and it is a fucking pussy parade outside. I was standing on the corner for the last few hours and there was a fucking sea of women, all in very skimpy clothes. I’m talking exposed ass cheeks and braless t-shirts in the heat…and I’m convinced the whole city smells of pussy shit…and I am pretty hooked on it.

So why the fuck are you even reading this? Seriously, this is ridiculous of you. Quit your fucking job! Stop being such a little scared bitch and get out there and take advantage because I know if I weren’t agoraphobic, I’d be all up in that shit taking advantage of them sluts…preferably the ones with daddy issues.
Olivia Munn is the fucking worst, but for some reason people still care about her. I would have figured her leaving a now-defunct show would make her semi-irrelevance totally irrelevant since that is all she’s ever really done…but the reality is her semi-irrelevance was designed for nerds, who as we know are a loyal crowd, and would never make her fade into obscurity…at least that’s what her hard nipples in Esquire are telling me, because why the fuck else would they feature her? I mean, it’s not like she’s a household name. She’s not even that hot…but whatever…I’ll just go with it.
Yesterday I got drunk and the highlight of my night was walking behind a couple of fat girls in short shorts…because as it turns out, when I am drunk, I don’t mind staring at fat girls in short shorts…especially when they are 18 and just fat from all the genetically modified foods…it’s not their fault they are big booty bitches…society made them that way…and I am down to stare.

I also appreciated the guy ripping lines off his car’s hood…the homeless teen runaway with a dog on her back who I wanted to fuck, but who though fifty bucks in coins was low balling, I guess she’s one of those high class street hookers…like the toothless whore I saw getting beat by her pimp earlier in the night…and I also appreciate the ever amazing dude with throat cancer chain-smoking. Life’s pretty boring, but the people I come across are fucking maniacs…
I accidentally met fat chicks who care more about my site than I do. In fact, they cared so much about it that they followed me around for over an hour yelling at me about how horrible it is and how mean I am to women…and how I am a loser and how I am a misogynist.

They don’t get that I don’t hate women. I love women. I just hate fat women.

They also don’t get that I don’t even hate fat women, I just laugh at them.

They also don’t get that if you hate a website that much, it is pretty pathetic. It’s just the Internet yo! You can just not visit sites you hate.

I guess if I were them, I’d have enough time to hate too…you know, with never getting fucked and all. Unfortunately, I didn’t video the exchange. But it was hysterical.
I am anti-anti-bullying campaigns. That shit makes me angry. It turns people into pussies. 

The Internet has made everyone full of shit, pretending to be considerate while mocking people behind their backs. Bullying is human nature. I’m sure even your local parish priest, when not molesting little boys, is talking shit about other members of the congregation.

The world has gone fucking soft. There are new anti-bullying laws being passed. You can be arrested because some twat is too weak to handle being teased so she makes a youtube video of her suicide.

Real life isn’t a fluffy magical place no one judges you, rejects you, or fires you, fucking idiots.

It’s a good thing I’ll be dead before all these anti-bullying kids grow up and run shit.
My new pick-up line that works is “you look way better than when you were fat,” and when they ask what I am talking about, I tell them I follow them on Instagram, and have seen their #TBT. Girls hate being called fat.

They apparently also hate being asked if you can watch them fuck when they tell me they have a boyfriend. I guess I’ll find the right girl one day, who just gets it…
I swear by the moon and the stars in the sky that Mylene Dizon is a fucking fantastic half-naked angel sent from heaven…like in these pictures for FHM…that wasn’t showing cervix enough…but I’m hard to please…and cervix porn is only something I get into when I really like the girl and want to see how fertile she is…you know, so I can really imagine spilling a glass of my semen in there…so that our love can last forever with a new baby.