I don’t really give a fuck about Cate Blanchett or award shows. Well, it turns out that award shows are pretty perverted, with jerking off trophies and shit, thanks to Cate Blanchett.
 
 
Here is a disappointed fat girl, which is actually pornography to me, because seeing a fat girl disappointed is the only joy I get in my life. It is my passive-aggressive way to deal with the hell that I am living…without actually choking a bitch out.

So seeing a fat chick getting male attention, only to find out he’s gay…which is the same reaction she had at the all-you-can-eat buffet when they ran out of cheesecake…is pretty fucking amazing to me.

No idea where this is from, but it plays with my emotions in a good way.
 
 
Russians do everything better. I don’t know if it is because along with stealing their souls, Communism made everyone more pragmatic and efficient, or if it is because Communism gave them all a sick sense of humor, and a fear of pretty much nothing, but I do know that a lot of what Russia has to offer, at least in the form of a YouTube videos, is pretty fucking genius even if it seems so hurting…not to mention Russian women, even the ugly ones, are amazing to look at, even when they steal your fucking soul and social security number through webcam sex.
 
 
Like the rest of you, I’m thrilled that “Sherlock” is back on the air. Though I will admit, as charming as he is to watch onscreen, living with him would probably be hell. Specifically, watching TV with him.

Using his superhuman powers of deduction, Sherlock manages to ruin every show for Watson gathering the tiny clues you’re not supposed to see until after the big secret has been uncovered. I think some of these were made up for the video, but some actually were present I just didn’t think I caught the first time through.

I wonder how long Sherlock will run? Brits love their short series, but I really do hope it carries on for at least uh, 20 more seasons.
 
 
Tony Stark transforms into a superhero when he puts on Iron Man armor. If he just added the right music and a little flair, he could transform just like Sailor Moon. The colorful makeover works for Stark and it’s the kind of thing you could picture him doing when he’s had too much to drink. 
 
 
Just when I think the Christopher Nolan Batman can’t possibly be funny any more, somebody digitally pastes him into the movies Love Actually, Home Alone 2, A Christmas Carol…and turns A Christmas Story’s Ralphie into a tearful Bane.

Almost every movie shown would have been improved in this form.
 
 
Sasha Baron Cohen (Borat, Bruno, The Dictator) is a next-level comedian that does far more than act in funny features. If you needed further proof of that outside his stable of existing characters, look no further than what he did at the 2013 Britannia Awards recently.

Presented with a Charlie Chaplin comedy award, Cohen proceeds to attempt to mimic the actor using his original cane, and manages to kill an ancient child actor who used to work with Chaplin.
Of course, he didn’t really, but this was incredibly well set up and had the entire audience believing it was real, at least initially. But it was a stuntwoman in the wheelchair, and all was well. 
 
 
Why the hell have I never thought about becoming a dominatrix so my clients could clean my apartment from top to bottom on a regular basis. Basically, they would pay me to force them to lick my toilet clean. I cannot think of a better life hack.
 
 
I understand this is a prank—a fucking cruel one at that—but all the dudes who said “no” had BETTER be married. Otherwise there is no hope for the human race.
 
 
Professor X dresses down our favorite Cajun card player Gambit for having ridiculously, uselessly specific powers. Having already taken down Wolverine, it wasn’t too hard.