Kristen Stewart is not a babe. If anything she’s some inbred looking redneck hick that I can’t really figure out how she got cast for anything, or even how she ended up in LA, when really, you’d think she’d be smoking meth in the back shed, the one where daddy makes her suck his dick because she’s better at it than mommy since mommy has diabetes now and has a hard time getting out of bed…but instead she’s doing this Hollywood shit…it’s crazy. 
 
Emma Stone is boring even when she’s completely naked…which makes sense, because Emma Stone is boring everywhere.

I know, virgin losers get mad when I say she isn’t hot, or that her mouth annoys me, or that she’s overrated and just well marketed to the virgin loser market…because that’s what the evil corporations and Hollywood want…but to those of us who don’t care about who the love interest is in comic book movies…or other shit targeted to virgin losers…we can see her for what she is: dull at fucking best.
 
Emma Watson is one of those creepy girls who you know a lot of virgin loser nerd sci-fi fantasy awkward people have jerked off to…even scenes of her in the first Harry Potter movie. You know there’s a guy out there who is all about that shit and who hates that she turned 18 and became legal because posts like this fuck up the years she was 10 for him.

While on the flip side, weird Potter fans who aren’t pedophiles will love her until the day she dies because they have little going on and watched her grow up to be the woman she is…like a dad or big brother…but with more masturbating to her.
 
I guess someone told Selena Gomez that she had good tits…because something happened recently where all she wants to do is show her tits.

Is it a distraction from her weird chipmunk face with weird fake lips…or is it just because tits are what people want? I mean, did she change her birth control pill and turn that A-cup to a B-cup? Or did she just eat her way to a B-cup? Who fucking knows what the strategy or reason behind it is? It’s happening and I am watching even if tits bore me and I’m more into hardcore sexuality…if you know what I mean…like spread-eagle ass shots…but Disney girls gone bad, always a good storyline, even when you know they’ve been polluted with Bieber’s dick, a dick that is rumored to be huge, which makes the whole thing far fucking worse.
 
Scarlett Johansson spoke to Vanity Fair about something I’ve been trying to tell girls for many years and that is that there is nothing wrong with nude pics, taking nude pics, or shooting porno. Here’s the quote:

“Those are old, from three years ago,” she told Vanity Fair of the hacked photos, which went viral earlier this year and sparked an FBI investigation.

“They were sent to my husband,” she added, meaning her now ex-hubby, Ryan Reynolds. She also said for the first time that she was the one who snapped the two nude photos.

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Johansson continued. “It’s not like I was shooting a porno—although there’s nothing wrong with that, either.”


Which would be more believable if she didn’t get the FBI to stop working on drug cartels, kiddie porn rings, and terrorism plots in order to find the guy who hacked her phone and posted her nude pics.
 
I know that Kaley Cuoco has a huge fan base because she is the hot chick on some show about nerds that people love for some reason I will never understand, but it’s probably because they are mindless idiots. I don’t get her appeal. She’s just not hot…and I think that this topless pic, what I like to call the least attractive topless pic…but I’ll post it anyway, because there’s something right about all topless pics.
 
US Weekly‘s latest cover is Kim Kardashian in a white bikini with the tag lines “No gimmicks! No surgery!” and “Kim slams the fat bullies and gets her sweet revenge,” which is some well-played shade. Referencing sugar when you know damn well Kim lost her weight on Atkins and hasn’t put anything sweet in her mouth since Ray J packed up his dick and left!

Everybody pick up their phones and call bullshit on “no gimmicks” because that is the exact opposite of the definition of “Kardashian,” but I can sort of buy Kim’s weight loss being surgery-free. You know, as long as they’re not factoring in the part about her gaining a pound in her lips for every ten she lost off her hips. Even if she didn’t back herself up to an empty bay at the plastic surgeon’s office to have him vacuum her ass, whatever she did to her face brought her one step closer to scoring the cover for National Geographic’s anteater issue.

Before everybody starts yelling, “Where’s your baby?” you should know the photographer took a handful of pictures of Kim while NorthSouthEastWestU-Turn took a quick cat nap before packing up and heading back to the photo lab donated in the Kardashian family’s name by Adobe.
 
The funny thing about Miley is not that she’s a coddled rich girl who was exploited by her parents at a young age forcing her to grow up with no soul…

It’s not that she’s had a team of people accommodating her because she was the moneymaker in the family and upsetting the moneymaker is bad strategy…

It’s not that she’s lived this sheltered existence, forced to spend her nights on the Internet, because she’s too famous to leave her house…

Or that she’s taking a liking to rap music and incorporates it into her music by seducing rappers with money and exposure…

The funny thing about Miley is that I think she’s hot…and I like what she’s doing, even though I shouldn’t…
 
It turns out that not only is Mila Kunis the fucking worst…despite potentially being the best…all because of the penis she selects for her vagina, something that normally doesn’t bother me, because I know I am not fucking her, I’ve never even met her, and the penis she puts in her doesn’t concern me, I have better things to worry about…but when it is Ashton Kutcher…it is all I think about when I see their pics, making her a romantic comedy star I could once handle and even think about fucking in the most dirty of ways…and now all I see is Ashton Kutcher’s dopey, privileged, annoying as fuck face.
 
You know what ruins a bitch? Pregnancy. There is just nothing hot about motherhood…except maybe the breastfeeding in public…and the open-mindedness to wearing tight pants to the gym to kill the pregnancy weight…and the fact that their miserable decision will lead to straying from the dream they thought they were living before realizing it was hell.

Here is Natalie Portman, a favorite of nerds everywhere because she once brought hope…but now just brings disappointment.