Alright, I can roll with some of the competitions I saw on here, like the lifting stuff with your teeth, and the 100-meter sprint for 90-year-olds and above. Those at least have concepts I can grasp. But someone please explain to me, what the hell was going on in that event where the guy in the yellow shirt was suspended in mid-air by a rope while holding on to a bottle placed on a wooden plank? Or is it like figure skating, where it’s all about style and power? If so, is there a tough Russian judge who always gives people a 2.75? I need answers people, and I’m lazy. Someone look this up for me.
ESPN has a magazine, and every year they do a Nude Body Issue. I guess it is their answer to the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, but instead of using busty models who aren’t at all athletic, and if anything represent diabetes more than fitness, like Kate Upton, they use actual athletes.

The problem with showcasing actual athletes to people who aren’t into fitness is that they are scary, their bodies too muscular. It’s almost disgusting or masculine. But the good thing about athletes to people who aren’t into fitness is the ability for them to help you move if you were to date one…you know, #NoMoreHeavyLifting.

The other good thing is the high testosterone from all the muscles, not in a “I wanna fuck a dude, so I’ll go for a girl as close to a dude as possible,” but high testosterone on chicks means high sex drives…couples with health and fitness leads to laying back and being ridden so hard her muscular vagina can rip your dick off.

You may like it or hate it. I am just down with anything naked. I’m a pervert like that.