Like the rest of you, I’m thrilled that “Sherlock” is back on the air. Though I will admit, as charming as he is to watch onscreen, living with him would probably be hell. Specifically, watching TV with him.

Using his superhuman powers of deduction, Sherlock manages to ruin every show for Watson gathering the tiny clues you’re not supposed to see until after the big secret has been uncovered. I think some of these were made up for the video, but some actually were present I just didn’t think I caught the first time through.

I wonder how long Sherlock will run? Brits love their short series, but I really do hope it carries on for at least uh, 20 more seasons.
 
 
Not a fan mashup. An official thing, via Cartoon Network Africa (Who knew that existed? Besides Africans, obviously.)
 
 
BBC has decided to give all the Sherlock fans a Christmas present with this Sherlock mini episode called “Many Happy Returns” that gives some insight into what’s been happening since last season.
 
 
We’ve seen plenty of teasers, but now the BBC has released the first full length trailer for Season 3 of Sherlock and it gives a little more of what we want to know, but still doesn’t spill all the beans. It’s got angry glares, screaming, and of course, there’s Sherlock being all swoon-worthy, but you’ll just have to wait until the season premiere to start getting answers.
 
 
I love cartoons. I mean, on an almost fiendish level. If a show is animated, I will give it a chance. I also love insane, irreverent shit, so it makes sense I would gravitate towards animation, where creators are often allowed more freedom to go a little more nuts than they would otherwise.

What we seem to forget is, from childhood, we are inundated with thousands upon thousands of cartoons, and it makes sense our brains would push some of those out to make room for new ones. So I decided to plug myself into my “memory machine” and flashback to some cool-ass cartoons that, for one reason or another, most of us may have forgotten about. 

3. THE MAXX (1995)

How fucking badass was The Maxx?

An MTV prime time cartoon based off the Sam Keith comic book of the same name, The Maxx was a hyper stylized trip that spanned many places in many different times. In theory, if you ask different people what The Maxx was about, they will all take away something different from it. Really, The Maxx is Batman meets Bioshock Infinite, and I will tell you why that is.

The Maxx was about a homeless man and his social worker, Julie. If you take it as literal, The Maxx is about this man escaping into his mind, which he calls The Outback, where he is the powerful protector of “The Jungle Queen,” which is The Outback’s version of Julie. 

This is where stuff gets tough, because some say that The Outback is a literal place, and others say it is all in this crazy guy’s head, a way of keeping himself sane and making himself feel worthy of her protecting him in the real world. Regardless of whether or not it was “real,” the animation style was amazing, the themes they dealt with on the show were mature and well handled, and it really was a cartoon unlike any other. 

This hails from a time when MTV was still cool. I know, hard to believe.

2. EAK! THE CAT (1992-1997)

Was Eak just a purple, special needs Garfield? Yes, yes he was, but that is just why I loved him.

What, you didn’t watch Eak! The Cat?

It was insane.

It had a dog on it named Sharky, and he was part shark.

People who watched Eak, loved it. Eak was as if Barney the Dinosaur fucked Garfield, and then they had a baby in a bed of toxic waste. Eak is that baby. He has a certain naiveté to him that is completely charming, but there were darker elements to the show that people would not pick up on if they only watched it at a glance.

Much like the best old-school cartoons, Eak essentially boiled down to being a string of terrible things happening to one anthropomorphic animal. It has that very old school, Tom and Jerry style sensibility that made Eak just a pleasure for me to watch for its five-year run. 

1. THE TICK (1994-1997)

The Tick is the shit.

Just the simple fact that the last sentence would confuse him is exactly why I love him. The Tick is endearing for just how idealist yet naive he is. It is like he was granted all these amazing superpowers and gifts, yet just has the most baseline idea of how the world works, and somehow, miraculously, just skims by, inadvertently saving the day each time. The Tick is like asking, “what would happened if one of the Three Stooges became a superhero”?

Yet The Tick did not get the love he deserved. If there were TRUE justice in the world, the show would both still exist. 
 
 
Unless you see a bunch of money suddenly materialize in your hand, I mean. And even then, it's a tossup. I don't care if you think you're burned out on The Simpsons or on Guillermo Del Toro. If you don't like this, you are indeed The Bad Nerd.
 
 
You know, on the one hand it’s cool that all these characters are coming to TV, but on the other, every new announcement just makes me go WTF, DC?! This is someone who should be in movies! Especially since John Constantine is supposed to be the lead character in Guillermo del Toro’s Justice League Dark, and…oh, let’s just get real. That’s never happening, is it?

I guess on TV they’ll at least have the luxury of casting a blond English guy this time. Will they let him be a smoker, do you suppose?
 
 
We have artist Alice X. Zhang to thank for these delightfully sarcastic Sherlock e-cards. They’ve got Sherlock and his whole crew saying all the things you think, but never say out loud. 
 
 
Whenever you hear the term “gag reel” on TV, it’s usually for a comedy where scenes are simply so funny, actors can’t hold it together. We see them for “Community,” “Parks and Recreation,” “Modern Family” and so on, but…”Hannibal”?

Turns out just because a show is one of the darkest on TV (if not THE darkest), that doesn’t mean the actors don’t crack up from time to time. NBC has released the show’s gag reel to reveal that on set, the mood is quite a bit lighter than what we see on the show.
 
 
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I don’t watch “Game of Thrones.” I don’t do the whole “fantasy, wizards and dragons” shit. It’s just too hard for me to take seriously. If anything, I feel like an asshole trying to get into the storyline, no matter how many tits they throw my way…because ultimately, it’s stupid and nonsense and not real. I mean, I can’t even pretend it’s real…so I save it for 99 percent of the population who seem to watch it…even though if this was 10 years ago, only a few dozen people would watch it, and I’m sure they’d reek of stale semen and computer chips…you know, the typical college geeks from sci-fi fantasy club…who spend their days making fake weapons to fight each other…which I find funny because two or more socially awkward freaks interacting is jokes.

Her name is Emilia Clarke. She’s a big deal on the show. People are probably still masturbating to these scenes because that’s how loyal nerds are…and you probably should too…because sometimes mainstream TV nudity is better than throat-fucking. 


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