Sports Illustrated model Chrissy Teigen, who I may or may not think deserves to be in Sports Illustrated, because she’s gone the route of Kate Upton, and is a little fucking thick…you know, from all her food blog eating…but then I am reminded that Sports Illustrated likes their women doughy and untoned, because doughy and untoned comes with natural titties…and since I don’t really handle their casting, but I should, I’ll just stare at the bikinis, whether I am that into the bitch or not.

Well, she’s gone the route of Kate Upton, and other Sports Illustrated models, and is now doing some spokesperson shit for some company that is probably owned by the wife of someone at Sports Illustrated, and the fascinating thing is that she’s doing the bridal collection…because no real bikini company is trashy enough unless they have some white bikinis that are not just perfect for destination beach weddings at the shitty 3-star hotel with the all inclusive package, but that are made just for that purpose…just don’t get your period in them.

Now as much as I like naked bitches, Chrissy Teigen should just assume the role of rich wife to the rich music man who once modeled to land this life. Sure she’s funny on the Internet, like a clown or comedian, and sure I like all girls in bikinis, even the fat ones, but there’s just something missing in her modeling…that something is what I call “wanting to lick her bikini so hard that it starts to melt off her, even though it is designed to last in polluted salt water.” She just doesn’t do it for me.

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