Ellie Goulding is some UK pop star who everyone likes…and by everyone, I mean hipsters. They fucking go nuts for this bitch, but I don’t think I have ever really heard any of her songs. 

I am glad to see she has decided to become a bit of a sex object people masturbate to, because that’s really what all girls want…it’s some genetic animal instinct shit that says “fuck my singing, I’ve already done that, let’s show off my ass hanging out of shorts, my tits in a bikini top, and in a few months my nipples in a magazine, only we’ll play it off like it’s some high concept nipple showing, and not me being a slut, because parents who buy albums for their kids don’t like sluts, but nipple for fashion, that shit is art.” 

Did you like my Ellie Goulding impression? I did too. It got me hard…but that could be because it I haven’t had sex in a week and my penis is surprising me with the last fumes of testosterone I have left…or maybe it’s because I’ve seen Ellie Goulding’s nipples for fashion.

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