1. Old ladies in see-through shirts begging for change and missing teeth.
2. Teen girls who have hit puberty, but the guys who they hang with haven’t, making for all kinds of awkward as they hold hands.
3. Girls with cheap hair dye and giant rose tattoos across their chests.
4. All my Internet girlfriends, from the webcam girls to the aspiring models as well as the regular girls who just like sending me hot nude pics to try to masturbate to.
5. Hazel Feliciano, who is one of my favorite models, not that I keep track of models or really remember any by name or even by face. I kind of just stare at their half-naked bodies and cross-reference them to Jessica Soho…and try to understand how the fuck they are the same species, gender or breed of animal. It almost makes no sense. I’ve seen animals that look more like Jessica Soho…mainly pigs.