I have a crush on Heat Evangelista…and by “crush,” I mean “I want to make sweet love to her tenderly.”

I don’t know much about her, I don’t know the name of her K-Fed of a boyfriend…you know, eager for her to spend that trust fund on him, fooling her into thinking he is really in love, because spoiled heiresses don’t know what normal relationships look like, and they want nothing more than an average romance…you know, to be the opposite of their parents, making them easy targets to suck in…but not easy enough because otherwise I’d be up on this one…working her from every angle.

The only hope I have is that in her rich, broken, confused, daddy issue existence, this modeling somehow leads to her wanting to be outrageous and more famous, and that wanting the carve her own path leads to a sex tape.

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