I’ve seen this pose so many times before, whether on Facebook or online dating, and it won’t trick me…partially because I’ve seen Kate Upton’s modeling work, and I know she’s got this dumpy pile of shit belly that doesn’t make any sense to me as to how or why she’s a model, even with her huge tits…but also because I know any girl who puts her hand on her belly and shoots herself from the tits up knows exactly what she’s doing…and that’s saying, “LOOK AT MY FUCKING TITS! THEY ARE HUGE AND THUS I AM RELEVANT AND DESERVING OF ALL MY SUCCESS BECAUSE I HAVE MASTERED OPTICAL ILLUSION AND TRICKING BASIC DUDES WHO ONLY NEED TITS TO GET EXCITED ABOUT A BITCH!”

Sure, the whole thing would be more upsetting if she didn’t have these stupid tits. I mean, if she was just a flat-chested fat model, I’d go into protest outside the Sports Illustrated offices, but like most basic dudes, I appreciate them, even if unlike basic dudes, I hate her for everything else. I’m angry like that. I seek justice for all. Not favoritism for fat girls with fat girl tits.

What a fucking pig.

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