A 39-year-old man in Arkansas may never be able to sleep again. At least not with a dog occupying the same space or anywhere in the near vicinity for that matter. But you’d feel the same way if you woke up one night with a burning pain in your mid-section to see the little fluffy white dog you recently adopted chomping away at your groin, bloody red nose and all.

Of course, it didn’t help that the man was paralyzed from the waist down, which might explain why the dog had time to eat a whole testicle before the man woke up, but it’s not difficult to imagine a situation—dead drunk, sleeping pills—where you could easily find yourself minus one testicle because of man’s best friend.

Fuck being afraid of snakes coming out of the toilet and biting your balls, it’s little white fluffy dogs you really have to worry about.

I’ve heard of pets, dogs and cats, nibbling on their dead owners cadaver after a few days without food, but what the hell would motivate a dog to chow down on a testicle and biting through live flesh when he’s got a fresh bowl of Kibble n’ Bits down the hall? 

Comments are closed.