Let’s get back into the nitty gritty of judging movies based solely on their names and maybe their posters or commercials, if I’ve seen them. Totally valid form of film criticism.


My first impression of this film is that it’s about a dude who watches porn and gets to bone Scarlett Johansson. Is that a thing? Is there conflict in there or anything that makes you want to see this? It just makes me sad. Joseph Gordon-Levitt, stop making me sad.


This is a Robert DeNiro movie so I am going to go out on a limb and suggest it sucks.  You may counter with “But Robert DeNiro is one of the greatest actors of all time!” And that’s cute. Except for how he hasn’t made a decent movie in about a decade or more. He used to be a great actor, but then he got old and either stopped caring or just gave up. Point is his movies suck now, so this probably will too. It’s simple math.

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