Let’s get back into the nitty gritty of judging movies based solely on their names and maybe their posters or commercials, if I’ve seen them. Totally valid form of film criticism.


There are basically only two big releases this week and this is the serious one for people who eat off of plates and not out of the pot. It stars everyone in Hollywood including Michael Fassbender and Cameron Diaz.  I don’t want to judge a movie unfairly before seeing it, except that this entire series of articles is based on doing just that, so I’ll point out that I really dislike Cameron Diaz and have not enjoyed anything she has ever done. She makes me think of a rodent.


The Internet’s pretend girlfriend Jennifer Lawrence is back in the role that made her famous, the mostly mediocre Hunger Games! Yay!

I don’t want to shit on anyone’s parade, but wasn’t the Hunger Games kind of lame?  And wasn’t it solely the fault of both a character terribly named Peeta and that one jackhole’s awful beard? You know what I mean.

I have no idea what this movie is about, having never read the books due to being a self-respecting adult. I don’t read children’s books. It’s fine if you do, though. We’re all proud of you. Anyway, if I had to guess, this one is about how people in a fictional world also want to touch Jennifer Lawrence. And maybe how Peeta is still lame.  Peeta? I mean, come on. It makes the name Katnis seem cool by comparison and Katniss is about as stupid as dry humping a doorknob.

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