People lose all kinds of shit during the holidays. It’s the biggest time of the year for missing kids, house fires, also robberies and thefts. Someone needs to look into what the fuck happened to Naomi Watts. She definitely lost something. It seems like just a couple or three years ago I was enjoying myself in an aggressively caressing manner to Naomi in “King Kong,” and maybe a bit to Kong himself, fucking good looking monkey. Now she looks like the lady my mom used to make me bring cookies to across the street because as my mom put it, “God wants some people not to be attractive so the world can get some work done.” 

I don’t know if that hat and those glasses come in any larger sizes, but I’d investigate. Go on, write your nasty letters, but deep down you know I’m right.

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