I got an email from someone I’ll just call “Lying No Good Liar Who Better Stop Lying,” and he says that Kylie’s prone to violent outbursts and might be slightly crazy, a revelation that doesn’t matter in any way whatsoever. Just look at her. Getting sexily stabbed by Kylie every now and then in exchange for seeing her naked all the time seems like a good deal. She could dip the knife in cobra venom, lemon juice and syphilis, then jam it in my leg and wiggle it back and forth and I’d still probably cum in my pants.
So what if she has a few wrinkles on her face? She’s adorable. Plus: LOOK. AT. HER. Just look at Kylie in this music video…
You can find better dialogue in a Mentos commercial, and your local weatherman has better special effects, but Kylie overcomes it all! She rises up like a Phoenix from the ashes, and takes us on a journey of erotic delights.
A good way to gauge how hot a chick is would be to figure how long she would have to be dead before you would not have sex with her. So I ran the numbers through the computer and it turns out Kylie is the big winner. She could be dead for almost three days and I’d still fuck her. So congrats, Kylie. You must be honored. It must be exciting to know that even after you die, you and I can still get it on.
It’s hard to even imagine new ways for Kylie to get any more perfect. Unless gold coins fall out of her vagina when she cums, there’s really nowhere else to go.

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