Taylor Swift has a long lean body, and lately, I’ve been finding her hot…but for some reason, every time she gets into a bikini, which happens every once in a while, she’s rocking these old lady form-fitting, belly-hiding, gut-shaping bottoms that just look fucking clown-like.

She rocks these so much that I am convinced she’s hiding something from us, maybe a freakish birthmark, or damage from all the sex she’s had, or even a scar, or a tattoo, or testicles, or who the fuck knows? Maybe a twin she ate and hasn’t had removed because it gives her demon powers to manipulate the youth.

There is something behind this constant high-waisted bullshit, and someone needs to get to the bottom of it…like it’s one of life’s great mysteries, which it is, because right now, as I stare at it, it is all that fucking matters…and it’s confusing me, turning what could be hot into something horrible.

I mean, she’s in her 20s, get her some Brazilian-cut shorts yo!

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