Why are all the deadliest and creepiest animals, insects, and fish native to the Amazon? And why do people keep importing all these crazy deadly animals as pets and then when they get out of hand, they just dump them some place where they can run rampage on an unsuspecting public?

Alligators and snakes coming out of the toilet to attack your junk are not a myth! These things happen. And they happen because of the kind of people who think tarantulas and piranhas make nice pets.

The Pacu, a cousin of the piranha, is a fish with teeth. Not just any kind of teeth. Molars. Scary ass human teeth stuck in a jaw powerful enough to crack open tree nuts...
Yup, teeth like those. Pacus aren’t usually carnivorous, but they’ve been known to eat pretty much anything when they’re hungry. Even other fish. Not so scary. Problem is, though, they’ve been known to mistake testicles for good ol’ tree nuts.

Two men in New Guinea allegedly bled to death after a Pacu chomped off their nuts. Not a good way to go. Not at all.

It gets scarier when you consider that the Pacu aren’t just aquarium-sized. These mofos can get big. Imagine a 55-pound fish, measuring 4 feet in length, with wide human like molars, but with a mucho powerful jaw coming in for your junk? Yeah, I would cringe too.
But dudes, instead of avoiding Pacus like the plague, go out and fish for them. Stupid, stupid dudes. Of course, retired bus driver Tom Boylan couldn’t have known he was reeling in a 10-inch Pacu when he went fishing in New Jersey recently. It’s not like they’re exactly native to the region.

Dumbasses keep getting them as pets, though, and when they start getting too big they get dumped all over the place where they’re free to grow bigger and chomp down on testicles. So far, they’ve been spotted in New Jersey as well as in Denmark, France and Illinois.

Swimming with an athletic cup might be a good idea from now on…

Comments are closed.