1. If there’s a better movie than “White Chicks,” I haven’t seen it.
2. I’d love to eat a member of PETA.
3. A phrase you NEVER hear: “Thanks to my strict interpretation of the Bible, I have an active and fulfilling sex life!”
4. In my spare time, I like to create my own sandwiches. My latest invention? The Country Club Sandwich: All white meat, with mayo, and women aren’t allowed to eat it. I also created a Fight Club Sandwich, but I can’t tell you about it.
5. Blogs are a great repository for lame one-liners.
6. I was thinking about TLC’s Left-Eye Lopez the other day. She died in a car accident in Guatemala.
If you’re like me, when you first heard the news, there was one question on your mind: “Wait a second, Guatemala has roads?”
8. A guy walks into a lesbian bar, and says at the top of his lungs, “Hey, cool! Wall-to-wall carpeting!”
Ok, it was me.
9. A false friend stabs you in the back. A true friend stabs you in the front. Whereas a boyfriend will stab you between the legs.
10. I was talking to a female friend about “The Unspoken Rule.”
She asked the next logical question: “Just who makes these rules anyway?” I thought about it a while, then answered, “Mutes.”
11. You know how to piss off a room full of bohemian feminists? Go to a poetry reading, walk up to the microphone and announce you’d like to read a new piece entitled “Fuck Sylvia Plath.”
12. The world would be a safer place if nerds got more booty.