Here’s an e-mail my friend Clyde sent me yesterday:

Help me settle a little bet here. Which celebrity would sell the most magazines if she chose to pose for Playboy? I know not much has been left to the imagination, but I say it’s Britney Spears. My buddy says Jennifer Lawrence. And how much longer will we have to wait for the Scarlett Johansson pictorial? Talk about needing a career boost.

Great question—sparked a heated debate with me and some friends last night.

Here was the consensus:

5. BRITNEY SPEARS

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Hard to believe she barely cracked the top-five, but we’ve just seen too many pictures of her smoking cigs with her white trash boyfriend. They always look like they’re about 10 minutes away from being busted on “Cops.” 

4. MILEY CYRUS

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Baring it all in the controversial “I’m only trying to get back at my father!” spread. There’s something decidedly un-sexy about her though. Maybe it’s the epileptic seizures during her singing. 

3. KATE UPTON

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Although she’d be much better off “accidentally” leaking a sex video. That could cause the entire Internet to crash.

2. CHRISTINA AGUILERA

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A solid runner-up choice because we could solve the “Implants: Yes or No?” dilemma once and for all. I’d be combing through those pictures like CSI’s Gil Grissom looking for carpet hairs on a dead hooker.

The winner…

1. THE OLSEN TWINS

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For the inevitability. For the morbid curiosity. For the sheer magnitude of the whole thing. I just feel like this would be the “Where were you when JFK died?” moment of magazine issues. Everyone would have to see. 

Sure, we’d be looking at two girls who weigh a combined 165 pounds, and the results would be invariably depressing and possibly scarring…but yes, everyone would have to see. 

Everyone. 

 



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