CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER
The last time he was rolling solo, it was 1942 and plucky weakling Steve Rogers had just been turned into a genetically blessed super-soldier. Then life got turned upside down: Cap took a long, cold slumber and woke up in modern-day Marvel Universe America, where the bickering forces of S.H.I.E.L.D. are the only things keeping the world from becoming some evil Chitauri’s vacation home. Nowadays, he’s still kind of a downer; not only did his girlfriend die while he was sleeping underwater, all the guys in his barbershop quartet are gone, too. At least he has a few things to distract him: new sidekicks in Natasha Romanoff and Sam Wilson, better known as Black Widow and Falcon (or ScarJo and Anthony Mackie, if you're into that whole reality thing); new boss Robert Redford; an unrequited crush from Kristen in S.H.I.E.L.D. Statistics; and, of course, a super-villain to take down. (SPOILER ALERT: It’s his old best buddy Bucky!)
Now let’s take a minute to appreciate Mr. Rogers’ conscience. At one point, Nick Fury tells him “We’re gonna neutralize a lot of threats before they even happen,” and he shoots back: “I thought the punishment usually came after the crime?” Captain America: the world’s unlikeliest anti-drone advocate?
ANCHORMAN 2: THE LEGEND CONTINUES
It will not.
What will put the fannies in the seats will be the ignorant vampire talk, and Brick Tamland’s missing legs, and the stunning contraceptive inefficacy of the Rigid Ghost (Boo! Your womb is haunted), even if Brian Fantana'’ storied jimmy-cabinet is redolent of old Sex Panther gags. But mostly it will be the crack smoking. Crack smoking at the anchor desk is always a winner.