Tattoos are more popular than ever. People from nearly every social, cultural, and ideological background are using tattoos as a way to identify themselves to the world. But sometimes your tattoo can send a message that’s different than what you intended. Here’s what your tattoo is really saying about you…
TRIBAL BAND AROUND BICEP
What You Think It Says: I am totally badass, and everyone is gonna be able to tell that I hit the gym regularly. Now nobody’s gonna mess with me when I put on my sleeveless “Event Security” shirt.
What It Really Says: I only do curls at the gym, so I need to circle my one muscular bodypart to divert attention away from my scrawny legs, and this design was the coolest one in the tattoo guy’s book.
Statement Heard From This Person: “Hey, pussy! You can’t bring that camera in here! There are photos of Triple H and Chris Jerico available inside the arena.”
CELTIC SYMBOL ON BACK
What You Think It Says: I’m out of the house now, so I’m totally getting that tattoo. I’m fucking rebellious, and when school starts everyone is gonna know it!
What It Really Says: I can’t go swimming when Granny is around.
Statement Heard From This Person: “Do you promise mom and dad don’t know about my tattoo? Okay, and what about those porn sites I charged to Dad’s credit card?”
BUTTERFLY ON SMALL OF BACK
What You Think It Says: This is a cute accent to my already attractive body. It will draw attention to my waist, which is a good feature of mine. Then when they see what it is they’ll say, “Awww, how cute! It’s an adorable butterfly! It must be an accurate representation of that girl’s personality!”
What It Really Says: Aim your cumshot here.
Statement Heard From This Person: “There are seriously no hot guys in here. I’m gonna go talk to that Mexican busboy for a while.”
POEM ON FOREARM
What You Think It Says: I’m artistic and creative. I went to a Liberal Arts college for a while, and my experiences there made me a better person and expanded my worldview. My new outlook on life is best represented by this particular poem, so I wear in on my body at all times.
What It Really Says: Hi, I’m a bike messenger. I’m here to deliver some important documents.
Statement Heard From This Person: “Oh, you can definitely read a book and ride a bike at the same time…unless you’re reading Nietzsche.”
SMALL HEART ON PELVIS
What You Think It Says: This tattoo is a special gift for someone who I care deeply about…when they go down on me.
What It Really Says: I paid a hairy, sweaty tattoo artist to rest his hand on my vagina for an hour.
Statement Heard From This Person: “Hi, it’s nice to meet you. Do you have a tattoo? Because I do. Wanna see it?”
FLOWER ON FOOT
What You Think It Says: I’m officially the coolest chick in the dorm building! The other grad students are never going to believe I went through with it, and they are gonna think I’m so awesome! Plus, I can hide it with my socks when people I respect come around.
What It Really Says: I will regret this when I graduate and have to get a real job.
Statement Heard From This Person: “You have to let me check your backpack if you want to go up to your girlfriend’s room.”
FIERCE ANIMAL ON CALF
What You Think It Says: Hey, I’m still a badass. It just so happens that I fathered a couple of children recently, so I’ve got some responsibility now. I have to have a job, so I can hide this tattoo with pants. But if it weren’t for the family and the job, I would totally unleash! That’s why it’s a tattoo of a fierce animal: because if I didn’t have all of this “life” stuff piling up around me, that’s how crazy I could be.
What It Really Says: I’m probably going to steal something from this convenience store.
Statement Heard From This Person: “Did you see the Lakers game last night? I almost bet my friend a hundred bucks that they’d lose, but then I didn’t.”
FUNNY CARTOON ON ASS
What You Think It Says: I’m going to be the life of the party now with this hilarious ass tattoo! Everyone is going to pay attention to me!
What It Really Says: I let a stranger put his hands inches from my butthole for three and a half hours.
Statement Heard From This Person: “You’re laughing at the tattoo and not me, right?”
SPIDER ON YOUR SKULL
What You Think It Says: I’m not satisfied by just freaking people out with my normal piercings and tattoos. I need something that lets people know that I really, really don’t give a shit about anything. Just shaving my head and wearing only black clothes won’t do, so I’ve decided to stack some badass on top of badass.
What It Really Says: I’m on probation, and there’s a good chance I might kill you.
Statement Heard From This Person: “I’m not allowed near that playground.”
AWFUL NAME IN CURSIVE ON NECK
What You Think It Says: There’s a woman that I love somewhere, but I gotta drive this big rig all the time, so I don’t see her much. That’s why I got her name tattooed right here on my neck: so that every time I check my rearview mirror, I’ll be reminded of her.
What It Really Says: I totally fucked this chick named Destiny once.
Statement Heard From This Person: “You ever made love in the back of an 18-wheeler on top of forty-eight hundred boxes of string cheese?”